“Holiday” Season Frustrations

First, let me preface this by saying that I LOVE CHRISTMAS. It’s my favorite holiday by 397439465 miles, and the time of year with the cold weather, the hats and scarves, Christmas music, and all the friendliness and generosity always makes me all tingly n shit. I’ve been in a super good mood for a couple months now just because it’s been getting closer and closer and I’ve been shopping more and more. I’m not a grouch, I promise, I’m actually the opposite, and when people around me have been acting like Scrooges lately I have to get up and leave because AIN’T NOBODY GONNA TAKE MY CHRISTMAS CHEER FROM ME! HOWEVER, there are some things about this time of year that I simply cannot stand.

1. Idiot drivers at the mall…Listen, I get that malls get crowded this time of year. Everyone is shopping last minute and it can get a little out of hand. I mean mall traffic is insane at literally every mall in Atlanta right now. It makes me want to blow my brains out because I get so anxious just driving within a 5 mile radius of one. (Ask Meghan – I was seriously about to have a fecking panic attack trying to get to and park at Nordstrom last night.) Anyway, it’s not the anxiety of all the mall goers and the crowds that kills me (though I don’t like it), it’s the idiot drivers in the mall parking lots. It’s as if all road rules go out the window once you’re on mall grounds.

What I feel mall traffic looks like. (Source)

Here are some examples…

First, why are you blocking a lane of traffic trying to take a left to pull into a parking lot? Are you allowed to do that shit on a surface street? No. Then why the hell are you doing it here. All you’re doing is causing a huge back up because the feckers who are actually inside the lot aren’t parking because there’s NOWHERE TO PARK because it’s mother effing Christmas. And now all the people who just want to drive past the parking lot can’t and are honking at you and you’re wondering where their Christmas spirit is. Answer: you stole it from them by being an ass clown. Calm your ass down and wait in your lane like a good little driver or Santa is going to shit in your stocking…

Next, why do you (I’m talking to you, people who drive cars so expensive that upon purchase you have immediate entitlement issues) think it’s appropriate to just stop at the end of a lane in a parking lot and do absolutely nothing? Why aren’t you turning? Why aren’t you parking? Why are you just sitting there with someone (me!) behind you waiting for you do something? Anything. There are no cars coming. There are no pedestrians in front of your Land Rover. So why is there no movement?? Ohhhh, you were checking your FB. Sorry my life is not as important as yours, my B. Dick…

Last (and this is a year round annoyance), why do you not understand how stop signs work and, more so, how the lack of stop signs work? Why can people still not grasp the concept of the words “Keep Moving” and “Yield to Inbound Traffic????” It’s so effing simple and I just don’t know how most drivers passed their tests. When you are circling the mall’s perimeter and you come to a stop sign wherein there is a lane of inbound traffic, you have to STOP UNTIL NO MORE CARS ARE COMING. Duh. It’s not a three way stop, moron. And to the driver who is in that inbound lane, WHERE THE FECK DO YOU SEE A STOP SIGN? You don’t. There isn’t one. For the love of god keep moving. And don’t wave me on. Jesus that kills me. You don’t have to stop, I do, so don’t you dare stop and wave me on when that’s not how it works. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? And why can NO ONE drive??? Ok done.

2. Situations like this: I personally think this is as belligerent as it gets.

 

I’m sure you’ve all heard about this by now. And regardless of whether or not you watch or agree with Fox News, this is simply absurd. We really are a very sensitive country with political correctness at the forefront. And if you state your opinion otherwise and it offends someone, you’re obviously a racist. Duh. I mean that makes complete sense. Personally, I think it’s just as bad, if not worse to jump at a chance to so strongly accuse someone of something like being a racist, especially after misinterpreting that person’s statements/opinions. You’re discriminating against this person just as much as you’re accusing her of discriminating. Are we really just a tit for tat kind of country, so eager to hurt and attack each other at any chance we get? In my opinion, saying that Santa Claus is white is not offensive and is not a racist comment. Megyn Kelly hasn’t depicted Santa as being a white man since the first time the name Santa Claus appeared in an American publication in 1773. And if she did, that bitch looks damn good for her age. People are ignorant, and this is nothing but nonsense. And situations like this only help to further divide us as a country, especially at a time when we should all be getting closer and showing each other kindness and generosity. Instead of covering this story, I wish people would talk more about things like this:

Secret Santa Pays Off $25,000 In Layaway Bills At Ohio Walmart

or this:

3. How offended people get when you say Merry Christmas

This one is a touchy subject and I realize that, but it’s getting on my nerves a lot more this year than previous ones. First, let me say that I understand the frustration that those who celebrate Hanukkah (or Thanksgivukkah :)) experience when someone wishes them a Merry Christmas. Everyone wants to be included and because Christmas is the most celebrated of the two in this country and store displays and holiday decorations reflect that and not much else, I think it would frustrate me too. I think there’s a compromise and I don’t think that compromise is taking Christmas out of schools and out of holiday greetings. I think schools should allow for Christmas trees and Menorahs alike. I don’t think that creating one big inclusive holiday, at least as far as greetings and decorations go, is the answer. That to me just takes away your individuality in your beliefs and throws a generic blanket over the holiday season. All that is to me is some pc bull shit. Like you should feel bad that you celebrate one holiday when someone else celebrates another so let’s just make us all feel shitty because we can’t express ourselves individually without being made to feel bad about it. I wish it would be socially acceptable for two people to greet each other like this: “Merry Christmas”, “Thank you, Happy Hanukkah.” They smile and can accept that they’re two different people, with two different heritages or religious beliefs, and they have respect for that difference. They don’t need to sugarcoat it so they don’t hurt someone’s feelings. We’re adults. Can’t we accept that we’re all different, respect that, and move on? Probably not, but I can hope.

I think part of the reason that I’m a little more annoyed this year is because Hanukkah fell at the end of November until the beginning of December this year, so when someone says Merry Christmas and your response is a bitchy Happy Holidays, I can’t help but get a little pissed. First of all, are you really letting the joy of this season escape you just so you can be a dick and make a point after I just greeted you in a kind way? Really? Additionally, if you’re offended that I didn’t say happy holidays in order to include Hanukkah, you’re a moron. Hanukkah is over. OVER. It has already passed. Last year, I get it. 2011, I definitely understand that. But his year, nope. This year, that’s like saying you’re pissed that I didn’t say Happy Thanksgiving as well. So get off your politically correct high horse and don’t be a dick when I say Merry Christmas.

Now, if you’re wondering: “Well what about Kwanzaa? That falls from December 26 until Jan 1 every year. That’s a holiday and it should be included.” And to that, here is my response: a lot of the fuss about saying happy holidays began because of the Christmas/Hanukkah issue and that is because here it is a difference of religion. Do you practice Christianity or Judaism? It makes sense that each religion and its respective holiday are viewed in a parallel way when it comes to the holiday season. It does not make sense that people try to view Kwanzaa in the same capacity. Kwanzaa is a specifically African-American holiday that celebrates African heritage in African-American culture by focusing on family, community, and race through its seven principles for one week. It is NOT an alternative to Christmas. It is NOT an alternative to Hanukkah. It is a cultural celebration, not a religious one.The founder, Maulana Karenga, has even stated that Kwanzaa is not intended to alienate Christmas. For all intents and purposes, Kwanzaa could be celebrated in late July or whenever else they want to celebrate it. Also, why should I be made to feel like I need to include this in my holiday greeting when I can’t (by definition) be included in Kwanzaa?? Everyone who celebrates Kwanzaa can (and probably does) celebrate Christmas, so why do you act offended when I didn’t include Kwanzaa? You celebrate Christmas, too, ya dummy. So why is it that the door only swings one way in this situation? Hypocrisy at its finest.

I’m going to keep saying Merry Christmas. The end.

—————————-

I know I bitched a lot in this post but I really just wish people would be happy and kind to each other. I wish people wouldn’t get so offended by other’s differences that we end up spreading more hate this time of year than love. If people greet me with “happy holidays” I don’t respond with “Merry Christmas” to make a point. I return their greeting in a friendly manner because it’s not worth it to upset someone who just said something nice to you.

I also wish people were smarter when it comes to operating their vehicles.

I probably won’t post again till after Christmas, so I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!!!

– Rebekah

White Elephant (aka Dirty Santa) Christmas Brunch

So there are only 8 more days till Christmas. You know what that means right?? There are only 7 more shopping days. I thought I was on top of it all by getting started in mid effing October, but of course I wasn’t. Of course I’m only 2/3 of the way finished with my shopping. This should prove to you that even when I prepare for something wayyyyy ahead of time I still manage to turn into a complete moron when it comes time to take action. I’m serious – I think my entire trip to the mall the other night consisted of Auntie Anne’s pretzels and whining each time I picked something up and inevitably set it back down because I HAVE SHIT FOR A CLUE WHAT ANYONE WANTS FOR THIS BSHIT HOLIDAY!

(Source)

I also really hate shopping. Like f’real. And I don’t fully understand how that whole shopping enjoyment stereotype has been glued to women’s asses for so long. Do other women really enjoy stripping in public so you can feel bad about the way your body looks in those awful dressing room lights/mirrors as you try on piles of clothing laden with make up stained collars from other bitches having already gotten there first and discarded said items, all while being shielded only by a couple “walls” and a cheap, swinging piece of wood of which the latch could come undone at any given moment, thus showing off either your scantily clad body or some half-zipped leopard print dress that (come on, who are you kidding) you hated anyway but your friend made you try it on for fun, and now because of that friend, you’re showing your junk to the whole department store dressing room. That sentence started as a question. It’s not one anymore. I hate shopping. That’s why. Facts, people. And shopping for other people is worse because they aren’t there to smack you and say “bitch, put that candle back right now! I don’t want that fugly shit in my house, don’t you know me at all??” when you select something obviously hideous but try to convince yourself that it’s a good gift because this is the ninth candle store you’ve been to and they offer gift receipts so why not? Shopping. Is. Poop.

(Source)

Now that THAT’S out of the way, we can move on to more cheerful and festive chat 🙂 Although, you probably don’t want to hear it now because I was just a grumpy reindeer turd for the first two paragraphs of this post. Lucky you, you get to hear it anyway!

Sunday morning a bunch of our friends (I think 17) got together for a White Elephant (or Dirty Santa or whatever the feck else you want to call it, Kathy) brunch. We went to a delicious little place in Kirkwood (an Atlanta neighborhood) where one of Meghan and Mollie’s friends works, called Sun in My Belly. So cute and really good food.

If you don’t know what White Elephant or Dirty Santa is, it goes like this:

1. Everyone brings a wrapped gag gift (usually under $10/15)
2. When the festivities begin, everyone pulls a number to determine the order in which you pick your gift. In this case, Meghan made the numbers, so of course they were super cute and looked like this: 
3. Then, by order, you choose a gift. The next person in order can steal a gift that’s already been opened or choose their own. The same gift can only be stolen twice.
4. The person who chose first also gets to choose last so s/he can have an opportunity to steal, too!
5. Everyone laughs a lot and some weird bitch takes lots of pictures of…

All the people.

 

All the presents. And you really can’t have a proper holiday party without one each of all of these:

A ken doll.

Or two!

Rice Krispies Treats. Duh.

TP. Meghan and I really wanted that one. Right now we steal rolls from restaurant bathrooms.

A sweet disc shooter.

Boobie ping pong balls.

iWipers 🙂

LIQUOR!!!!

Whatever the heck all that pink stuff is.

Connect Four. Need I say more? (stop rhyming, idiot!)

Condoms…yeah, my boyfriend did that.

 

An elf hat.

And this look on Meghan’s face when she opens the gift I brought (an Atlanta shot glass and cards). Such a sweet roomie.

And the steals. I’ll only show you one since there are already a trillion and 1/2 pictures in this here post.

Shock.

 

Surrender.

ALL. THE. LIQUOR.

I think Mollie’s man came out on top this year.

Did any of you have a White Elephant/ Dirty Santa/ Secret Santa or other type of holiday gift exchange? (I know Mangoes and Miles had one!)

Do any of you ladies hate shopping as much as I do? I LOVE giving gifts, I just hate the process.

Does anyone have 100% of their shopping finished for Christmas? If so, you’re a bitch and I’m a jealous bitch.

– Rebekah

Tree Decorating Party

Oh hello fellow blogger beings, it is I, the other half of the fitnesscrEATures. Still not sure who it is? That makes sense. I essentially don’t exist in blogland (again!). I’m beginning to feel schizophrenic with all this back ‘n forth I’ve been doing.

So here’s some cute shit I want you guys to see, aka we had a small get-together to participate in a long-time pagan tradition, aka we decorated our Christmas tree.

And everyone helped. Even the boys! 🙂

 

Meghan and some blurry bitch worked on a Christmas village.

But mostly, Meghan just did a lot of this.

And Mollie appeased us by helping, too. (She’s already celebrated Thanksgivukkah this year). I must say, she looks great with an ornament in her hand. Hey girl, if you ever wanna just up and change your heritage, let us know; the tree people will gladly accept you as our own. Or you can just be a bird like me and Meghan.

Once we were finished decorating, we decided that cheerful holiday lover pictures were in order.

 

And the four of us decided to take a picture in front of our pagan tree.

And look who wasn’t ready for the party, this bitch (below). Rebekah to Rebekah: “No girl, you don’t need to take a shower. These are your friends; they love you for who you are. Plus – you smell phenomenal!”

What’s that? You want to see the finished product? Ok ok, jeeeeeezzz.

Wittle baby carolers 🙂 Cute, but zero idea where they came from.

When we got our tree, they gave us a free ornament which I thought was super sweet. But then I remembered that I gave them my first born as payment for the tree, soooo I don’t really think it’s that sweet anymore, or that free. Seriously, our tree was stupidly overpriced. But I don’t do that fake tree shit, so what’s a girl to do?? Le sigh.

I wish we had a fireplace, but we don’t so I used push pins so I could hang those suckers up. It reminds me of the movie The Santa Clause – remember the scene when Tim Allen is going to all the different houses to deliver presents and he gets to an apartment where there’s no fireplace, but then he gets sucked down some sort of tube on the roof and a fireplace suddenly appears where there wasn’t one? Well this is EXACTLY what I suspect is going to happen at our place come Christmas Eve. That little corner with our stockings is going to turn into some kick-ass fireplace and Tim Allen is gonna hang out with the fitnesscrEATures for Christmas. I’m not mad about it.

Oh, so we haven’t put anything on top of our tree yet. A couple years ago my sister and I used a lamp shade she painted. Everyone seemed to think that was weird, but I liked it better than the traditional angel or star. I’m not really sure what to put up there, so any suggestions would be appreciated.

So, what should we use as our tree topper?

For those of you who celebrate it, have you already decorated for Christmas?

Does it freak you out that people below the equator associate Christmas with summertime?? It wouldn’t feel like Christmas to me if it weren’t cold out, but I guess everything is relative.

Do you have a fireplace? Can you take a video of a fire and send it to us, please??

– Rebekah

Some Really Awesome Shit

First: some not so awesome shit.

(source)

Ok, so listen, I’ve been super MIA lately. (Is it possible to be super MIA, or can you only just be MIA? I would analyze that – but I realize there’s no content there.) Jesus. Anyway, I’m sorry. I know you all either hate me or have forgotten who I am; I really don’t see there being any in-between. Actually, I think my wonderful keeps-up-with-the-blog roomiekins has probably experienced both. But that’s only because she has those kinds of super powers. Pretty cool, right? I mean, who wouldn’t want a super power that allows you to hate and forget at the same time? Where am I going with this? Charlotte, I feel like you right now, except I haven’t been taking an inordinate amount of cold medicine. So, in other words, I have no excuse for this belligerent paragraph.

I would like to explain my absence by saying that I took an unannounced-to-the-blog-world break from blogging. I think we all feel a bit overwhelmed by it at times and that’s basically where I was. I think I need to reevaluate my intentions for blogging and possibly revamp my style. Anyway, sorry I haven’t been present lately. Hopefully I’ll get back at it. I’ve missed you all, and even though I haven’t been commenting much, I’ve still been reading lots of posts so I could keep up as much as possible until I decided to jump back in it. You may recall this isn’t the first time I’ve sucked. Anyway, while I’ve been taking this little sabbatical, my co-blogger the owner of this blog, Meghan, has been doing a fantastical job keeping up with everything, as per the usual. Thanks, girl! You’re the very best mama bird a baby bird could ever have. And speaking of Meghan, this brings me to my next point…

Awesome shit #1 – Meghan  has some really wonderful and amazing work news to share with everyone. Maybe she wasn’t intending to share it BUT I DON’T CARE. Now she has to! Ha, sorry girl. No I’m not. This is really awesome and though she probably won’t think it’s blog-worthy, again, I don’t care. I’m really proud of her and she should be too.

Awesome shit #2 –

 

My sweet, sweet boyfriend a little bit lot drunk after a work party and a stop through McDonalds. You know I really love him if I’m willing to even go through the drive through at that nasty ass place. This is how I found him after I went to make a midnight snack. He’s cute, right? (Ahem! The answer is yes.)

Awesome shit #3 –

Yes, you’re reading that correctly, it says “Backwudz Shawty” and I’m only mad about it for one reason: I didn’t put that shit on the back of my car first. I actually took a poll at the beginning of the summer and the first two words that come to mind when people think about me are “backwudz” and “shawty.” Go effing figure. All I’m thinking now is I know what I’m getting me for Christmas! Holla!…Only in Hotlanta right? Btw, no one calls it Hotlanta anymore. (The only person allowed to call it that is Leslee.) I’m pretty sure people in Atlanta have been trying to stop that since only minutes after its inception. I would like to meet the crack head who came up with that awful name and help him get addicted a different drug that might make him more creative. Come on, you all know it was some cracked out dude on MLK Blvd. Well, I just know him simply as “Dad.”

Awesome shit #4 –

This delicious 7 Layer Mexican Dip I made. I made this for Mollie’s birthday party and it was a big hit! By that, I mean I ate half of it. That’s the trick to bringing a new dish to a party – always eat most of it even if it tastes like poo poo. That way, psychologically, everyone will think it’s delicious since it’s already almost gone and the party only started 13 minutes ago.

1. can of black beans, can of refried beans, 1/2 packet taco seasoning
2. Sabra guacamole
3. Queso
4. Salsa
5. Sour cream and jalapeños
6. Crunched up corn tortilla chips
7. Shredded Mexican style cheese and cilantro

Awesome shit #5 –

This pig. I went to visit my little brother and sister who live in North Georgia and when I pulled into their driveway, this is the site I was met with. It’s my little sister’s pet potbelly pig. Her name is Penelope. I think. Maybe I just want that to be her name. Regardless, the main thing you need to know is that as I walked past this docile creature I was scared it was suddenly going to morph into some wild boar and bite my leg off. Needless to say, both my legs are still intact.

Awesome shit #6 –

 

THIS GIANT ASS MONKEY my incredibly thoughtful boyfriend got me yesterday! She’s shown here with me and Christopher Columbus (who my man got me for Valentine’s day :)) Her name is Tinker Columbus and she’s his little sister. No, I will not grow up. Ever.

AWESOME SHIT # 7 –

That’s right, bitches, that’s right. It’s so exciting I think I just peed my pants. That’s embarrassing. But I may as well start now because I’m sure it’ll happen again during #BBM2014! Backwudz Shawty!!!

I hope everyone has an amazing weekend!

Is it really cold where you are? It’s getting nipply here lately.

Can you believe the holiday season is already upon us?? Have you started shopping? I started about 3 weeks ago 🙂

Does everyone remember who I am? I don’t.

Do you miss Meghan, too? Girlfriend has been working really hard and hasn’t been home all week. I miss my bird.

– Rebekah