First, let me preface this by saying that I LOVE CHRISTMAS. It’s my favorite holiday by 397439465 miles, and the time of year with the cold weather, the hats and scarves, Christmas music, and all the friendliness and generosity always makes me all tingly n shit. I’ve been in a super good mood for a couple months now just because it’s been getting closer and closer and I’ve been shopping more and more. I’m not a grouch, I promise, I’m actually the opposite, and when people around me have been acting like Scrooges lately I have to get up and leave because AIN’T NOBODY GONNA TAKE MY CHRISTMAS CHEER FROM ME! HOWEVER, there are some things about this time of year that I simply cannot stand.
1. Idiot drivers at the mall…Listen, I get that malls get crowded this time of year. Everyone is shopping last minute and it can get a little out of hand. I mean mall traffic is insane at literally every mall in Atlanta right now. It makes me want to blow my brains out because I get so anxious just driving within a 5 mile radius of one. (Ask Meghan – I was seriously about to have a fecking panic attack trying to get to and park at Nordstrom last night.) Anyway, it’s not the anxiety of all the mall goers and the crowds that kills me (though I don’t like it), it’s the idiot drivers in the mall parking lots. It’s as if all road rules go out the window once you’re on mall grounds.
What I feel mall traffic looks like. (Source)
Here are some examples…
First, why are you blocking a lane of traffic trying to take a left to pull into a parking lot? Are you allowed to do that shit on a surface street? No. Then why the hell are you doing it here. All you’re doing is causing a huge back up because the feckers who are actually inside the lot aren’t parking because there’s NOWHERE TO PARK because it’s mother effing Christmas. And now all the people who just want to drive past the parking lot can’t and are honking at you and you’re wondering where their Christmas spirit is. Answer: you stole it from them by being an ass clown. Calm your ass down and wait in your lane like a good little driver or Santa is going to shit in your stocking…
Next, why do you (I’m talking to you, people who drive cars so expensive that upon purchase you have immediate entitlement issues) think it’s appropriate to just stop at the end of a lane in a parking lot and do absolutely nothing? Why aren’t you turning? Why aren’t you parking? Why are you just sitting there with someone (me!) behind you waiting for you do something? Anything. There are no cars coming. There are no pedestrians in front of your Land Rover. So why is there no movement?? Ohhhh, you were checking your FB. Sorry my life is not as important as yours, my B. Dick…
Last (and this is a year round annoyance), why do you not understand how stop signs work and, more so, how the lack of stop signs work? Why can people still not grasp the concept of the words “Keep Moving” and “Yield to Inbound Traffic????” It’s so effing simple and I just don’t know how most drivers passed their tests. When you are circling the mall’s perimeter and you come to a stop sign wherein there is a lane of inbound traffic, you have to STOP UNTIL NO MORE CARS ARE COMING. Duh. It’s not a three way stop, moron. And to the driver who is in that inbound lane, WHERE THE FECK DO YOU SEE A STOP SIGN? You don’t. There isn’t one. For the love of god keep moving. And don’t wave me on. Jesus that kills me. You don’t have to stop, I do, so don’t you dare stop and wave me on when that’s not how it works. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? And why can NO ONE drive??? Ok done.
2. Situations like this: I personally think this is as belligerent as it gets.
I’m sure you’ve all heard about this by now. And regardless of whether or not you watch or agree with Fox News, this is simply absurd. We really are a very sensitive country with political correctness at the forefront. And if you state your opinion otherwise and it offends someone, you’re obviously a racist. Duh. I mean that makes complete sense. Personally, I think it’s just as bad, if not worse to jump at a chance to so strongly accuse someone of something like being a racist, especially after misinterpreting that person’s statements/opinions. You’re discriminating against this person just as much as you’re accusing her of discriminating. Are we really just a tit for tat kind of country, so eager to hurt and attack each other at any chance we get? In my opinion, saying that Santa Claus is white is not offensive and is not a racist comment. Megyn Kelly hasn’t depicted Santa as being a white man since the first time the name Santa Claus appeared in an American publication in 1773. And if she did, that bitch looks damn good for her age. People are ignorant, and this is nothing but nonsense. And situations like this only help to further divide us as a country, especially at a time when we should all be getting closer and showing each other kindness and generosity. Instead of covering this story, I wish people would talk more about things like this:
3. How offended people get when you say Merry Christmas
This one is a touchy subject and I realize that, but it’s getting on my nerves a lot more this year than previous ones. First, let me say that I understand the frustration that those who celebrate Hanukkah (or Thanksgivukkah :)) experience when someone wishes them a Merry Christmas. Everyone wants to be included and because Christmas is the most celebrated of the two in this country and store displays and holiday decorations reflect that and not much else, I think it would frustrate me too. I think there’s a compromise and I don’t think that compromise is taking Christmas out of schools and out of holiday greetings. I think schools should allow for Christmas trees and Menorahs alike. I don’t think that creating one big inclusive holiday, at least as far as greetings and decorations go, is the answer. That to me just takes away your individuality in your beliefs and throws a generic blanket over the holiday season. All that is to me is some pc bull shit. Like you should feel bad that you celebrate one holiday when someone else celebrates another so let’s just make us all feel shitty because we can’t express ourselves individually without being made to feel bad about it. I wish it would be socially acceptable for two people to greet each other like this: “Merry Christmas”, “Thank you, Happy Hanukkah.” They smile and can accept that they’re two different people, with two different heritages or religious beliefs, and they have respect for that difference. They don’t need to sugarcoat it so they don’t hurt someone’s feelings. We’re adults. Can’t we accept that we’re all different, respect that, and move on? Probably not, but I can hope.
I think part of the reason that I’m a little more annoyed this year is because Hanukkah fell at the end of November until the beginning of December this year, so when someone says Merry Christmas and your response is a bitchy Happy Holidays, I can’t help but get a little pissed. First of all, are you really letting the joy of this season escape you just so you can be a dick and make a point after I just greeted you in a kind way? Really? Additionally, if you’re offended that I didn’t say happy holidays in order to include Hanukkah, you’re a moron. Hanukkah is over. OVER. It has already passed. Last year, I get it. 2011, I definitely understand that. But his year, nope. This year, that’s like saying you’re pissed that I didn’t say Happy Thanksgiving as well. So get off your politically correct high horse and don’t be a dick when I say Merry Christmas.
Now, if you’re wondering: “Well what about Kwanzaa? That falls from December 26 until Jan 1 every year. That’s a holiday and it should be included.” And to that, here is my response: a lot of the fuss about saying happy holidays began because of the Christmas/Hanukkah issue and that is because here it is a difference of religion. Do you practice Christianity or Judaism? It makes sense that each religion and its respective holiday are viewed in a parallel way when it comes to the holiday season. It does not make sense that people try to view Kwanzaa in the same capacity. Kwanzaa is a specifically African-American holiday that celebrates African heritage in African-American culture by focusing on family, community, and race through its seven principles for one week. It is NOT an alternative to Christmas. It is NOT an alternative to Hanukkah. It is a cultural celebration, not a religious one.The founder, Maulana Karenga, has even stated that Kwanzaa is not intended to alienate Christmas. For all intents and purposes, Kwanzaa could be celebrated in late July or whenever else they want to celebrate it. Also, why should I be made to feel like I need to include this in my holiday greeting when I can’t (by definition) be included in Kwanzaa?? Everyone who celebrates Kwanzaa can (and probably does) celebrate Christmas, so why do you act offended when I didn’t include Kwanzaa? You celebrate Christmas, too, ya dummy. So why is it that the door only swings one way in this situation? Hypocrisy at its finest.
I’m going to keep saying Merry Christmas. The end.
I know I bitched a lot in this post but I really just wish people would be happy and kind to each other. I wish people wouldn’t get so offended by other’s differences that we end up spreading more hate this time of year than love. If people greet me with “happy holidays” I don’t respond with “Merry Christmas” to make a point. I return their greeting in a friendly manner because it’s not worth it to upset someone who just said something nice to you.
I also wish people were smarter when it comes to operating their vehicles.
I probably won’t post again till after Christmas, so I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!!!