So there are only 8 more days till Christmas. You know what that means right?? There are only 7 more shopping days. I thought I was on top of it all by getting started in mid effing October, but of course I wasn’t. Of course I’m only 2/3 of the way finished with my shopping. This should prove to you that even when I prepare for something wayyyyy ahead of time I still manage to turn into a complete moron when it comes time to take action. I’m serious – I think my entire trip to the mall the other night consisted of Auntie Anne’s pretzels and whining each time I picked something up and inevitably set it back down because I HAVE SHIT FOR A CLUE WHAT ANYONE WANTS FOR THIS BSHIT HOLIDAY!
I also really hate shopping. Like f’real. And I don’t fully understand how that whole shopping enjoyment stereotype has been glued to women’s asses for so long. Do other women really enjoy stripping in public so you can feel bad about the way your body looks in those awful dressing room lights/mirrors as you try on piles of clothing laden with make up stained collars from other bitches having already gotten there first and discarded said items, all while being shielded only by a couple “walls” and a cheap, swinging piece of wood of which the latch could come undone at any given moment, thus showing off either your scantily clad body or some half-zipped leopard print dress that (come on, who are you kidding) you hated anyway but your friend made you try it on for fun, and now because of that friend, you’re showing your junk to the whole department store dressing room. That sentence started as a question. It’s not one anymore. I hate shopping. That’s why. Facts, people. And shopping for other people is worse because they aren’t there to smack you and say “bitch, put that candle back right now! I don’t want that fugly shit in my house, don’t you know me at all??” when you select something obviously hideous but try to convince yourself that it’s a good gift because this is the ninth candle store you’ve been to and they offer gift receipts so why not? Shopping. Is. Poop.
Now that THAT’S out of the way, we can move on to more cheerful and festive chat 🙂 Although, you probably don’t want to hear it now because I was just a grumpy reindeer turd for the first two paragraphs of this post. Lucky you, you get to hear it anyway!
Sunday morning a bunch of our friends (I think 17) got together for a White Elephant (or Dirty Santa or whatever the feck else you want to call it, Kathy) brunch. We went to a delicious little place in Kirkwood (an Atlanta neighborhood) where one of Meghan and Mollie’s friends works, called Sun in My Belly. So cute and really good food.
If you don’t know what White Elephant or Dirty Santa is, it goes like this:
- Everyone brings a wrapped gag gift (usually under $10/15)
- When the festivities begin, everyone pulls a number to determine the order in which you pick your gift. In this case, Meghan made the numbers, so of course they were super cute and looked like this:
- Then, by order, you choose a gift. The next person in order can steal a gift that’s already been opened or choose their own. The same gift can only be stolen twice.
- The person who chose first also gets to choose last so s/he can have an opportunity to steal, too!
- Everyone laughs a lot and some weird bitch takes lots of pictures of…
All the people.
All the presents. And you really can’t have a proper holiday party without one each of all of these:
A ken doll.
Rice Krispies Treats. Duh.
TP. Meghan and I really wanted that one. Right now we steal rolls from restaurant bathrooms.
A sweet disc shooter.
Boobie ping pong balls.
Whatever the heck all that pink stuff is.
Connect Four. Need I say more? (stop rhyming, idiot!)
Condoms…yeah, my boyfriend did that.
An elf hat.
And this look on Meghan’s face when she opens the gift I brought (an Atlanta shot glass and cards). Such a sweet roomie.
And the steals. I’ll only show you one since there are already a trillion and 1/2 pictures in this here post.
ALL. THE. LIQUOR.
I think Mollie’s man came out on top this year.
Did any of you have a White Elephant/ Dirty Santa/ Secret Santa or other type of holiday gift exchange? (I know Mangoes and Miles had one!)
Do any of you ladies hate shopping as much as I do? I LOVE giving gifts, I just hate the process.
Does anyone have 100% of their shopping finished for Christmas? If so, you’re a bitch and I’m a jealous bitch.